she's one of my affiliates, so check out her page.

and i am sitting here at my computer. could i be more detached from things here in santa cruz or what? okay so yea, he is jsut my homeless friend who needed a place to pass out for the night. and my heart is in someone else's bed at home. regardless, the level of detachment grows whenever i think its starting to fade, and i only have maximum nine days left in this place. eight if my dad comes to get me on tuesday instead of wednesday. either way i am moving home soon, and as much as i am happy a part of me is dreading it. all the drama of things that go on there, dealing with him and them and HER is going to take a toll on me that i dont know if i am ready, or willing, to suffer through. life was so much easier when i was the only person he wanted to spend time with and they were aware of their standing in second place behind me and she was in a different country. life is so much easier when you are the first priority of the person you have long considered your own top priority. life is so much easier when the person you love loves you back an equal amount.

she said with trepidation as he handed her the "cran-apple" soaked sheets.

chris asked me that the other day. and i said no, because i don't. today my mom asked me if i wanted to transfer somewhere else. and i said no, because i don't. i like santa cruz as a place. i like the school as a school. its funny though, my happiness depends so much on my friends, and the people around me. at some point in the last two years, i invested so much of myself into a few select people that now i am having trouble being truly happy without them.

alas, i am back in santa cruz. i went to the ER on monday; the ambulance had to pick me up from the airport. could that be a sign or something? perhaps i should take it to mean that i am not supposed to be in santa cruz and should instead be at home. home. i want to go home. up here, my only solace can be found in food and animal planet. and law and order. oh and benadryl, my new favorite thing in the world. it knocks you out like nothing else. and you have weird dreams. god bless the doctors in the ER who told me i have to take 3 a day for the next 5 days. at least i will be mostly unconcsicous for the first week back in this hell hole.

sigh.